I found these words in Psalm 139::5 where it says “you hem me in – behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.”  (NIV).  In another version of the bible it says “you precede and follow me, and place your hand of blessing on my head.”  (Living Bible).  I love the words in verse 3 in this version “you chart the path ahead of me, and tell me where to stop and rest.  Every moment you know where I am.”  How we need words of hope in times of great distress. To know we are not alone.

I feel I should re-post something already on my blog from a few years ago at the start of 2020. 2020 to me is all about seeing clearly…about 2020 vision. My prayer is that God will help you see clearly what is in your hand….

Over the last year the words “what is in your hand?” have challenged me time and time again. It is so easy to get despondent when we look around us and wonder what we can possibly do? The need is so great. And yet if we give God all that we are, our time, our gifts, our family, our brokenness, our illness somehow he transforms and does more than we can ask or imagine. I often wonder what it must have been like to rebuild the wall in Nehemiah’s time. Are our hearts sad like Nehemiah’s was? Are we willing to work with others side by side, shoulder to shoulder? Only then can the walls be rebuilt. God commands a blessing when we dwell in unity. Are we willing to rebuild or are we waiting for others to do it for us? Politicians, Church Leaders, Parents, Children, Friends, Volunteers, Businesses…. Do we stand and watch? Getting bitter, getting fearful, and getting judgemental? Or do we prayerfully give God all that we are and ask Him to help us build up our families, our communities and our nation. Do we release all that we are into His service? That God would help us get better not bitter. That He would cast out all fear and that He would help us let go of judgement. We must not despise the day of small things. Jesus took the bread and the small fish off the disciples and He gave thanks before distributing them. God multiplied what was in their hand. Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever (Hebrews 13:8 NIV). Show us Lord what is in our hands and help us to give these things to you that you would use them for your glory. Amen.

If I am honest with you it has felt like a tug of war going on in our nation as the arguments to and for brexit have been put across. The issue has divided so many. There is passion and conviction on both sides of the argument. My question in this post is “who do you trust? … whatever the outcome. The whole process of brexit has in my opinion undermined further the nations trust in politics and politicians. And even our trust in our media as it has been noticeably silent at times…. And then very vocal on other occasions… In Proverbs 3:5-6 we read “trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.” (NKJV)

Man or woman may let us down but God will never let us down. We may let ourselves down but God is there for all who call upon His name. The message of the cross is often seen as foolishness and yet many will testify that trusting in Jesus has been life changing and a constant through the ups and downs of life. I leave you the question “who do you trust?”

As a teenager I visited San Francisco. I was on a pier when a significant earthquake started. I remember coke cans rattling and people running screaming. It was scary. Under my feet was water and I must admit I felt vulnerable. I would have preferred solid ground. I wondered if the pier would collapse. If I am honest I have felt vulnerable at different times in my life. It has been like walking on egg shells. It has been messy and there have been things that have happened that I have not liked and people have on occasion reacted in ways I had not expected. Sometimes I have had choices how to respond. Sometimes I have not. The thing that has kept me through the egg shell moments has been my faith. Knowing that Jesus is there with me through any storm. His love and grace, his forgiveness and wisdom. We can stand on many things in this world but ultimately the one thing that will not fail us is the love of God.

A few days ago I went to support a friend at her mums funeral. She had lived with her mum. I had come to know my friend in different places and spaces over a few years and then I began to visit her home from time to time. My friends mum was looked after by carers and lived upstairs. On one occasion I went up and said hello to my friends mum and had a brief conversation with her. Sadly my friends mum fell and she went into hospital and never recovered. After her death I was sad that I had not gone up the stairs to talk with her on other occasions. As I was thinking upon this the words “you did not visit me” came into my head and with it a deep sense of rebuke. I was reminded of the verses in the bible “for I was hungry and you gave Me food; I was thirsty and you gave Me a drink; I was a stranger and you took me in; I was naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you visited Me; I was in prison and you came to Me.” Matthew 25:35-36 (NKJV) At my friends mums funeral I learnt more about her life. She had impacted so many and served so faithfully. I am poorer for not taking the time to get to know her more. It has made me determined to do things differently in future. To not visit a home without saying hello to others who also live there. There may be people reading this who have done similar. The good news is that “there is now no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus” Romans 8:1. We can say sorry to God for not doing what we could have done. Receiving forgiveness from God brings us peace. Jesus died on the cross for all the wrong things we have done so we can have this peace. The past does not have to determine the future. We can change by His grace and learn from our mistakes.

We live in shaking times. Things that once had value are no longer in. Antique dark wood furniture sells now for a fraction of what it used to at auction houses. Videos that were once costly to purchase have been superseded by DVDs. Many charity shops will not even take them as there is little or no market for them. In turn DVDs are now not so in demand because people are watching more films through monthly subscriptions. Similarly I was brought up reading books and newspapers. The internet has brought a revolution in digital behaviour seeing the development of ebooks and online news on a variety of devices including PCs, laptops, Tablets and mobile phones. There has also been changes in the work place. Increasingly robots and technology have replaced people. The work place can be remote because of technological advances or even world wide. Markets have opened up for businesses and personnel in response to market forces. There are winners and losers. In turn society has faced challenges because of change. Unemployment has grown in certain industries. Big employers are no longer around or have shrunk considerably. Our manufacturing base has declined whilst service industries have grown. Social problems have been helped and hindered by technology. A few years ago the term cyber bullying was not there. Today sadly it has become a blight on many lives. Similarly pornography has found its way into homes through the internet. People are relying on food banks as they are hungry. Debt has grown and people struggle to make ends meet. Relationship breakdown is common. Mental health in young people is at a level not known before. Our NHS is under strain and the care of the elderly a massive challenge. Many people don’t know people where they live and feel isolated. It is so easy to feel overwhelmed by all of these things and more. And then there is Brexit.. And Trump.. Ongoing terrorist threats.. Refugees fleeing war.. And so many more international issues..

A few days ago it was announced in the UK that we were having an election. I was driving my car and listening to some classical music and suddenly the music was stopped and the announcement made. I was shocked. I had not had any inkling that this was going to happen. As I began to get used to the idea I chatted with others who were similarly surprised. People had different views whether having an election was good or bad. The media appeared to have been caught unawares and had to change gear very quickly. I have been listening carefully to what the political parties have been saying but in my heart I am quite disillusioned. And yet I know it is important to engage and consider who I should support as people in the past campaigned to get the vote for everyone. I have got quite cynical about political spin and yet I know that those who do get in power will impact our nation and beyond so it is important to try and get beyond this.

I have entitled this post ‘time to move forward on our knees’. Why? I guess it reflects the conviction I have that only in the place of humility and dialogue both with God and man can a way be made through all the challenges we face today. I am not convinced that adversarial politics is the way forward. A ping pong exchange of words to try and put the other party down at every opportunity. People are tired of politicians putting so much energy into undermining the opposition. Ways forward may only come through everybody bringing what they have to the table and looking at what can help our nation in the hour it is in to bring hope, overcome darkness and liberate the oppressed. I don’t know if you are political. It is good to be confident but not arrogant. Sometimes political allegiance can compromise your values and beliefs. Wisdom and discernment is needed to be true to who you are when faced with dilemmas and choices that cause conflict in this way.

Years ago I visited parliament as an A’level student. I remember sitting in the viewing gallery and being quite shocked at some MPs behaviour in the way they mocked the opposition in their words and manner. Psalm 1 speaks of being blessed by not sitting “in the company of mockers.” (verse 1). This is a challenge when the the system of adversarial politics can appear to endorse this behaviour. And yet it is not impossible to be different. There are many men and women of integrity in Parliament, in Town Halls and local party headquarters. And there are young people who want to do politics differently.

The Psalmist speaks of the importance of reading the bible and applying it to make a difference. Jeremiah 17:7-8 similarly speaks about trusting God and putting confidence in him. The promise is that this person “will be like a tree planted by the water that sends its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.” (NIV).

Psalm 112:4-9 says “Light dawns in the darkness for the upright; he is gracious, merciful and righteous. It is well with the man who deals generously and lends; who conducts his affairs with Justice. For the righteous will never be moved; he will be remembered forever. He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord. His heart is steady; he will not be afraid, until he looks in triumph on his adversaries. He has distributed freely; he has given to the poor; his righteousness endures forever; his horn is exalted in honour.”..(English Standard Version)

In the times of shaking there is an anchor. The storms may come. But underneath are the everlasting arms (Deuteronomy 33:27) of love. God is our refuge in times of trouble (Psalm 46:1). Whatever happens this election this is the hope of those who believe in Jesus. These promises are for all those who believe and all those who chose to believe. As the election comes it is good to remind myself that my trust is in God not man. And yet that does not mean I don’t engage with the world or the political process. It becomes even more important to be a voice and ask those who are standing what they believe and what they will do if elected and to share my concerns with them and from that place make a decision who to vote for. The UK is at another crossroad moment… It is time to move forward on our knees.

I always find the end of the year and the beginning of the New Year a time to reflect and look back over what has happened and to look forward to what is to come. If I am honest last year was tough and I am not sure what this year will bring.

Quite often at the start of the year people will ask you what is your New Years resolution? I have an unusual one this year. It is to take my mask off. You may ask me what do you mean? Masks are worn for many reasons. Whatever the reason for wearing a mask the true identity of the person is concealed. And this is the crux of it. Identity.

When I was a child I was very shy and I remember going on holiday and finding it hard to approach other children to get to know them. I would quite often hide and watch from a distance. It would sometimes take me days to get the confidence to go over and introduce myself. I had a fear that I would be rejected. It acted as a barrier to friendship and fun until I was able to climb over it and demolish the lie.

Knowing our worth is key to our identity. Being confident and sure in our identity helps us overcome negativity and our fears. The worlds definition of worth is often measured in success, money, fame, beauty and power. It is not surprising that it is easy to feel that we have not made it and have little worth. Quite often people will party with us but when things are tough they are not there to be seen. We may even talk down others to elevate our worth. Or get in with the in crowd but actually at what cost to us and them? What is it we have to do to belong? What is it we have to become? When we get desperate to be accepted the voice of caution in us can so easily be silenced.

It is fascinating to discover that the the word hypocrite comes from the Greek word hypokrites which means “a stage player” or “actor”. This meaning was extended to refer to any person who was wearing a mask of pretence hiding who they really were. Today we use the word hypocrite to describe someone who contradicts what they say or believe by their actions or non actions.

People can have a public image which is good but behind the scenes their behaviours and action may be the opposite. In Luke 12:2-3 it warns us to not think that we will never be found out. It says “there is nothing concealed that will be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known. What you have said in the dark will be heard in the daylight, and what you have whispered in the ear in the inner rooms will be proclaimed form the roofs.” NIV If we really believed this we would be careful what we said about people. There is no such thing as harmless gossip. It harms the person who speaks it and the person who hears it as well as the person who is being spoken about.

In Luke 12:6-7 it says “are not five sparrows sold for pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” What a promise every hair of our head. God cares about ever aspect of who we are. He loves us and we are beautiful to him.

Sometimes we may feel ugly because of things we have done or things done to us but God delights in us. As we come to him he can help us with the issues that hold us back and make us feel this way. It may be that we need to ask for his forgiveness. It may be that we need to ask him to bring healing into the pain from the past or present. God has plans to give us a hope and a future. He is the anchor in the storm. The light in the darkness. Our advocate. Our peace. He believes in us when we have lost belief in ourselves.

So this year I want more of the light of the word of God to come into the dark places of my mind and heart to bring transformation. I want the love of Jesus to help overcome the fear that has so often held me back. I want more of who I am in Jesus to be seen by others. To not cower and hide but to be confident in my identity. That I am loved. That I have value. That I have worth. That I have gifts. That I have a voice. And a purpose…

And I believe as I share more of who I am then others will want to share more of who they are…

What do you want for Christmas? What do you need for Christmas? If I am honest with you I could do with extra time, more money and lots of helpers to make sure it runs smoothly. In reality this does not happen. It is like an obstacle course that has to be done annually to get through to the finishing line – Christmas Day. Each year the roller coaster begins and you get on the ride of ups and downs to experience the thrill of Christmas. At its best it can gather family and encourage giving. At its worse it can highlight family tension and separation. But is that it?

In the last few days I was preparing a craft for a Christmas meeting I was going to. I wanted something that would communicate a message about the true meaning of Christmas. I thought about gifts that cannot be bought – love, hope and peace. In the end I decided to focus on peace and made some small brightly coloured parcels that could be hung on a Christmas tree. On each parcel I placed the word peace. As I did this I was reminded of the verse in the bible that is often read at Christmas from Isaiah 9:6 “for to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” NIV

On the night I became a Christian I felt peace. It was a gift that I received not because I had earned it or deserved it. Not because I had strived for it or bought it. It was a gift given to me because I had chosen to follow Jesus. It was not dependent on how rich or poor I was. I was not even asking for God to speak to me. I just asked the question “what’s the point?” And then I was surprised but totally and utterly overwhelmed by encountering the love of God. Isaiah 65:1 says “I revealed myself to those who did not ask for me; I was found by those who did not seek me.” NIV In many ways God was not on my mind that night. I was just disillusioned with myself and others.

The good news is that God never lets us down. Sometimes other people do including Christians but God never leaves or forsakes. He is ever present in times of trouble. The gift of peace and love I received that night has been an anchor. I do feel anxiety at times but I know where to go with it. I pray. I ask God to help me. I ask for his peace. I say sorry to God for any grudge or wrong attitude I hold against anyone. I pray for him to change my heart. And time and time again he has. This has been life changing not only for myself but for others. I have gained wisdom and grace in places of challenge and difficulty. Integrity has been my guard and the wisdom of the bible has helped me live right.

In the end I put two parcels together on a cord to hang on a Christmas tree. I was reminded of the promise in Isaiah 61:7 “instead of your shame you will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace you will rejoice in your inheritance.”NIV Another translation says”instead of confusion they shall rejoice in their portion”. King James 2000 Bible

Also the two parcels on one cord reminded me of the need to share with others that there is a gift of peace. The gift of peace I received when I became a Christian cost Jesus his life. Isaiah 53:5 says “but he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.” NIVUK Jesus died on the cross that we may have peace.

This Christmas when you see a nativity scene on a Christmas card or on display somewhere remember that Jesus grew up. He did not stay a baby. He grew up to be a man. During his time on earth he healed people, delivered people from evil spirits and taught others about the Kingdom of God. He proclaimed freedom to the captives. He challenged the established power structures and related to people in a radical way giving them value no matter what their background or position in society. He was betrayed and then crucified on a cross. He rose again three days later. He died for my sins and yours. His punishment brought me peace. Peace with God. This has been the greatest gift I have ever received or will receive.

I usually put out my nativity scene first in the lead up to Christmas as by this action I want to say Christmas is all about the birth of Jesus. Lots of other traditions have been added but even in the enjoyment of these it is all about coming back to the true meaning. Perhaps this Christmas is an opportunity for you to do this for the first time or maybe to return to God? Nothing material will ever satisfy. We may enjoy the material but ultimately it will not comfort the ache in our heart or bring peace. It is all about relationship with him. Others may let us down and may have let us down. But God will never let us down. He forgives. He restores. He transforms. He gives us a hope. He gives vision. He helps us in all our challenges and difficulties. He loves.

This gift is there for all. All we have to do is receive it. To believe in him and ask him into our hearts and lives.

My dad died this year. He had cancer and on the day he found out that it was terminal he came to my house. He became very practical and said he wanted me to have his art books and to take up art again. When I was a child we used to go abroad every year and my dad used to do sculptures out of the local stone. He also painted some views in oils. Back in the UK he experimented with plaster of paris and made some really unusual maze like sculptural forms. It was only when he retired that he began to devote himself more fully to art and over a number of years painted some wonderful pictures. He continued to experiment putting extra materials onto surfaces making them more interesting. He had his own style and was very much a colourist. Years ago I did an art qualification and then years later I did an art foundation course and then like my dad I have found myself busy. So his challenge to get back to art is one I need to act on…

At the weekend I was at my parents house and I was looking around the art space my dad had. There leant against the easel was an unfinished picture. I had overlooked it before as I had been drawn to the pictures that were finished but suddenly this picture became poignant. It reminded me of the words of a minister at my husband’s mums funeral not long ago. She too died this year. It has been a difficult couple of months. The minister had visited my husband and his brother at my mother-in-laws home and they tried to share with him what she was like. Whilst the minister was there he was shown an unfinished tapestry she had done. She had belonged to a school of needlework and had sewn pictures of landscapes and buildings. It was a picture of the back garden at her home. My mother-in-law was a great home maker and a woman who was interested in others and what was happening in the world. At the funeral the minister spoke of her being an anchor to many and how like the unfinished tapestry the challenge now she was no longer there was to continue on. To keep in relationship with the people she brought together. Similarly now that my dad is not here the unfinished picture speaks to me of continuing on with the legacy of his love of paintings something to inspire. To see the unfinished picture as a reminder to make the most of the life I have.

As a child I used to watch a children’s programme called Blue Peter. They would often have something that viewers could make at home. They would show them each stage. They would say at each stage “and here is one I prepared earlier”. In the book of Ephesians in Chapter 2 verse 10 it says that “we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” (NIV) I love reading about Christians who have made an impact for good in the world. They have been changed by the love of Jesus and then have brought change to others through their convictions. Whether it has been prison reform, caring for animals, being there to listen to the problems of others, campaigning for the abolition of the slave trade, improving working conditions, caring for the sick, supporting the poor, challenging injustice in whatever form or looking after their families. Those people have left an unfinished masterpiece. They have left a legacy that we must not take for granted and one we need to continue in whatever way we are able. And in todays world there are fresh challenges and concerns that need attention as people are moved and compelled to do what they can.

Sometimes we don’t have people who have cared for us or given us a good example. The wonderful thing about receiving God’s love for us and learning from the bible is that this love and truth can help us live and love differently giving us a hope and a future.

I don’t know whether you have got busy in life. Are there talents that you have not been using or nurturing. There is a time and season for everything. As you have opportunity around your commitments maybe you could consider finding time to use them.

If you are grieving I pray you encounter the love of Jesus for you in all your questions and pain. May you know comfort. Matthew 5:4 says “blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. I love the bit in the bible in Revelation 21:4 when it speaks of a time to come when “he will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” (NIV)

In a few days time the UK will vote on whether to stay in the European Union. There are differences of opinion as to whether we should stay in Europe or leave. It has been a time of intense debate and media coverage. There are strong feelings involved. At times fear has been fueled by statements from both sides. It is a crossroad moment for the UK and this has heightened the desire of people to make the right decision. Passion is good but not when someone of a differing opinion is put down or made to feel like their decision will doom the nation. It will be a terrible thing if the legacy of this vote is an alienated group of people who when the vote does not go their way will hold a grudge against others they know for voting differently. We need great wisdom in the days ahead. And maturity and grace in whatever happens. There are issues and challenges that face our nation that adversarial politics will not fix. It will be our attitude that will be key to finding a way through the challenges ahead. And I would suggest a belief in God who is bigger than any nation. If we look to nations to be the answer we will be disappointed as no nation has ever got it right. We need a higher standard than the political benchmarks and agendas of the day. In the book of Proverbs 14:34 it says “God-devotion makes a country strong; God-avoidance leaves people weak.” (the Message). Integrity will protect us if we are motivated by love not vain ambition. If we keep focusing on what divides we will not find a way to work together. We need to heed the warning in Matthew 12:25 where it says “every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation.”(NIV) So as we prepare to vote let us consider how we will respond to the vote once we know the result. Let us express our opinions without hatred or malice to others contributing to the debate as people consider what they want to do. And into the vacuum of the result let us have opinions that will build up all that is good, right and true with strategy, vision and the follow through to make a difference in areas of poverty, despair and division.