I found these words in Psalm 139::5 where it says “you hem me in – behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.”  (NIV).  In another version of the bible it says “you precede and follow me, and place your hand of blessing on my head.”  (Living Bible).  I love the words in verse 3 in this version “you chart the path ahead of me, and tell me where to stop and rest.  Every moment you know where I am.”  How we need words of hope in times of great distress. To know we are not alone.

I feel I should re-post something already on my blog from a few years ago at the start of 2020. 2020 to me is all about seeing clearly…about 2020 vision. My prayer is that God will help you see clearly what is in your hand….

Over the last year the words “what is in your hand?” have challenged me time and time again. It is so easy to get despondent when we look around us and wonder what we can possibly do? The need is so great. And yet if we give God all that we are, our time, our gifts, our family, our brokenness, our illness somehow he transforms and does more than we can ask or imagine. I often wonder what it must have been like to rebuild the wall in Nehemiah’s time. Are our hearts sad like Nehemiah’s was? Are we willing to work with others side by side, shoulder to shoulder? Only then can the walls be rebuilt. God commands a blessing when we dwell in unity. Are we willing to rebuild or are we waiting for others to do it for us? Politicians, Church Leaders, Parents, Children, Friends, Volunteers, Businesses…. Do we stand and watch? Getting bitter, getting fearful, and getting judgemental? Or do we prayerfully give God all that we are and ask Him to help us build up our families, our communities and our nation. Do we release all that we are into His service? That God would help us get better not bitter. That He would cast out all fear and that He would help us let go of judgement. We must not despise the day of small things. Jesus took the bread and the small fish off the disciples and He gave thanks before distributing them. God multiplied what was in their hand. Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever (Hebrews 13:8 NIV). Show us Lord what is in our hands and help us to give these things to you that you would use them for your glory. Amen.

As a teenager I visited San Francisco. I was on a pier when a significant earthquake started. I remember coke cans rattling and people running screaming. It was scary. Under my feet was water and I must admit I felt vulnerable. I would have preferred solid ground. I wondered if the pier would collapse. If I am honest I have felt vulnerable at different times in my life. It has been like walking on egg shells. It has been messy and there have been things that have happened that I have not liked and people have on occasion reacted in ways I had not expected. Sometimes I have had choices how to respond. Sometimes I have not. The thing that has kept me through the egg shell moments has been my faith. Knowing that Jesus is there with me through any storm. His love and grace, his forgiveness and wisdom. We can stand on many things in this world but ultimately the one thing that will not fail us is the love of God.

What do you want for Christmas? What do you need for Christmas? If I am honest with you I could do with extra time, more money and lots of helpers to make sure it runs smoothly. In reality this does not happen. It is like an obstacle course that has to be done annually to get through to the finishing line – Christmas Day. Each year the roller coaster begins and you get on the ride of ups and downs to experience the thrill of Christmas. At its best it can gather family and encourage giving. At its worse it can highlight family tension and separation. But is that it?

In the last few days I was preparing a craft for a Christmas meeting I was going to. I wanted something that would communicate a message about the true meaning of Christmas. I thought about gifts that cannot be bought – love, hope and peace. In the end I decided to focus on peace and made some small brightly coloured parcels that could be hung on a Christmas tree. On each parcel I placed the word peace. As I did this I was reminded of the verse in the bible that is often read at Christmas from Isaiah 9:6 “for to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” NIV

On the night I became a Christian I felt peace. It was a gift that I received not because I had earned it or deserved it. Not because I had strived for it or bought it. It was a gift given to me because I had chosen to follow Jesus. It was not dependent on how rich or poor I was. I was not even asking for God to speak to me. I just asked the question “what’s the point?” And then I was surprised but totally and utterly overwhelmed by encountering the love of God. Isaiah 65:1 says “I revealed myself to those who did not ask for me; I was found by those who did not seek me.” NIV In many ways God was not on my mind that night. I was just disillusioned with myself and others.

The good news is that God never lets us down. Sometimes other people do including Christians but God never leaves or forsakes. He is ever present in times of trouble. The gift of peace and love I received that night has been an anchor. I do feel anxiety at times but I know where to go with it. I pray. I ask God to help me. I ask for his peace. I say sorry to God for any grudge or wrong attitude I hold against anyone. I pray for him to change my heart. And time and time again he has. This has been life changing not only for myself but for others. I have gained wisdom and grace in places of challenge and difficulty. Integrity has been my guard and the wisdom of the bible has helped me live right.

In the end I put two parcels together on a cord to hang on a Christmas tree. I was reminded of the promise in Isaiah 61:7 “instead of your shame you will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace you will rejoice in your inheritance.”NIV Another translation says”instead of confusion they shall rejoice in their portion”. King James 2000 Bible

Also the two parcels on one cord reminded me of the need to share with others that there is a gift of peace. The gift of peace I received when I became a Christian cost Jesus his life. Isaiah 53:5 says “but he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.” NIVUK Jesus died on the cross that we may have peace.

This Christmas when you see a nativity scene on a Christmas card or on display somewhere remember that Jesus grew up. He did not stay a baby. He grew up to be a man. During his time on earth he healed people, delivered people from evil spirits and taught others about the Kingdom of God. He proclaimed freedom to the captives. He challenged the established power structures and related to people in a radical way giving them value no matter what their background or position in society. He was betrayed and then crucified on a cross. He rose again three days later. He died for my sins and yours. His punishment brought me peace. Peace with God. This has been the greatest gift I have ever received or will receive.

I usually put out my nativity scene first in the lead up to Christmas as by this action I want to say Christmas is all about the birth of Jesus. Lots of other traditions have been added but even in the enjoyment of these it is all about coming back to the true meaning. Perhaps this Christmas is an opportunity for you to do this for the first time or maybe to return to God? Nothing material will ever satisfy. We may enjoy the material but ultimately it will not comfort the ache in our heart or bring peace. It is all about relationship with him. Others may let us down and may have let us down. But God will never let us down. He forgives. He restores. He transforms. He gives us a hope. He gives vision. He helps us in all our challenges and difficulties. He loves.

This gift is there for all. All we have to do is receive it. To believe in him and ask him into our hearts and lives.

My dad died this year. He had cancer and on the day he found out that it was terminal he came to my house. He became very practical and said he wanted me to have his art books and to take up art again. When I was a child we used to go abroad every year and my dad used to do sculptures out of the local stone. He also painted some views in oils. Back in the UK he experimented with plaster of paris and made some really unusual maze like sculptural forms. It was only when he retired that he began to devote himself more fully to art and over a number of years painted some wonderful pictures. He continued to experiment putting extra materials onto surfaces making them more interesting. He had his own style and was very much a colourist. Years ago I did an art qualification and then years later I did an art foundation course and then like my dad I have found myself busy. So his challenge to get back to art is one I need to act on…

At the weekend I was at my parents house and I was looking around the art space my dad had. There leant against the easel was an unfinished picture. I had overlooked it before as I had been drawn to the pictures that were finished but suddenly this picture became poignant. It reminded me of the words of a minister at my husband’s mums funeral not long ago. She too died this year. It has been a difficult couple of months. The minister had visited my husband and his brother at my mother-in-laws home and they tried to share with him what she was like. Whilst the minister was there he was shown an unfinished tapestry she had done. She had belonged to a school of needlework and had sewn pictures of landscapes and buildings. It was a picture of the back garden at her home. My mother-in-law was a great home maker and a woman who was interested in others and what was happening in the world. At the funeral the minister spoke of her being an anchor to many and how like the unfinished tapestry the challenge now she was no longer there was to continue on. To keep in relationship with the people she brought together. Similarly now that my dad is not here the unfinished picture speaks to me of continuing on with the legacy of his love of paintings something to inspire. To see the unfinished picture as a reminder to make the most of the life I have.

As a child I used to watch a children’s programme called Blue Peter. They would often have something that viewers could make at home. They would show them each stage. They would say at each stage “and here is one I prepared earlier”. In the book of Ephesians in Chapter 2 verse 10 it says that “we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” (NIV) I love reading about Christians who have made an impact for good in the world. They have been changed by the love of Jesus and then have brought change to others through their convictions. Whether it has been prison reform, caring for animals, being there to listen to the problems of others, campaigning for the abolition of the slave trade, improving working conditions, caring for the sick, supporting the poor, challenging injustice in whatever form or looking after their families. Those people have left an unfinished masterpiece. They have left a legacy that we must not take for granted and one we need to continue in whatever way we are able. And in todays world there are fresh challenges and concerns that need attention as people are moved and compelled to do what they can.

Sometimes we don’t have people who have cared for us or given us a good example. The wonderful thing about receiving God’s love for us and learning from the bible is that this love and truth can help us live and love differently giving us a hope and a future.

I don’t know whether you have got busy in life. Are there talents that you have not been using or nurturing. There is a time and season for everything. As you have opportunity around your commitments maybe you could consider finding time to use them.

If you are grieving I pray you encounter the love of Jesus for you in all your questions and pain. May you know comfort. Matthew 5:4 says “blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” NIV I love the bit in the bible in Revelation 21:4 when it speaks of a time to come when “he will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” (NIV)

Today I was shocked to read that eight refugees had chosen to sew up their mouths because of the destruction of homes in Calais jungle in France. Whatever your beliefs about refugees in Europe this is a disturbing expression of how desperate and disillusioned they are. Done because they feel they have no voice. An irony when many have left their countries because they wanted a voice that they could not have in their home nations for fear of reprisal, persecution, imprisonment and death.

We can take so much for granted. The freedom to speak, have an opinion, make a choice, and access support. Sometimes with that privilege comes a responsibility to care and act to help others who do not have a voice.

There may be times when we do speak and we are ignored, rejected and opposed. Yet the bible exhorts us to “speak out on behalf of the voiceless, and for the rights of all who are vulnerable. Speak out in order to judge with righteousness and to defend the needy and the poor.” (Proverbs 31:9-10 Common English Bible)

Sometimes our shyness prevents us for speaking. Or fear grips our heart and we just can’t get any words out. God is our helper. In our weakness his power is made manifest. And his love casts out all fear (1 John 4:18 NIV). There are times when we can retreat to the safety of prayer. Prayer is important but we also need to from that place engage as we feel led and moved. Isaiah 1:15-17 expresses this principle. When we pray we are encouraged to get our hearts right before God. To stop doing evil. Then to “learn to do good, seek justice, reprove the ruthless, defend the orphan, plead for the widow.” (New American Standard Bible). Here reproving, defending and pleading require using our voice on behalf of others.

It maybe that we think we are not eloquent enough or that we are not intelligent enough or important enough. The bible says that God “chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.” (1 Corinthians 1:27 NIV) And sometimes the voice we have can come through our actions, our silence and even our presence communicating care, commitment, opposition and reconciliation.

And there is not only the voice we speak but also the voice we hear but sometimes we need to make space to listen or to be open to believe that God may speak. Hebrews 3:15 says “today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as you did in the rebellion.” You may say that you have never heard God’s voice. His voice speaks through creation. His voice speaks through the wisdom and counsel of others. His truth is found in the bible. His voice can be audible or a whisper. God may speak through dreams and visions. Sometimes we don’t always recognise when God is speaking to us. It may take others to make this clear. The boy Samuel did not know it was God speaking to him. It was Eli who discerned that it was God that was speaking to Samuel. He was told by Eli to “go and lie down, and if he calls you, say, “speak, Lord for your servant is listening.” (1 Samuel 3:9 NIV)

And so as I consider the eight refugees who have stitched up their lips and all refugees who are feeling they have no voice I encourage you to be thankful for the freedoms you have and to not take these for granted. And from that place of thanks consider how you may make a difference to those who have no voice. And to use your voice to encourage, inspire, defend, exhort, challenge, correct, heal, reconcile, and communicate love.

Maybe the words you speak are negative and judgemental of others. Or maybe other people have spoken negative and judgemental words over you. God loves you and he can transform, heal and restore. Sometimes we need to use our voice to ask God the questions that act as a barrier to knowing him. The Alpha course across the world has given people the opportunity to meet with others that have questions and to explore the Christian faith sharing a meal with others. This may be something that you would like to do.

Whatever you believe I encourage you to have a voice, be a voice for others who need support and to make space to hear his voice for you.

I am writing this in the lead up to Christmas in the UK and the question for many will be what can I give? What gift can I give to a friend or a relative? Or even what I can afford to give?

But is this all that Christmas represents? An annual gift giving exchange. Yet each gift that is wrapped has taken thought, time, transport and money.

In the story of the magi (wise men) in the bible in Matthew 2 we read that they had travelled from the East because they had seen the star for the King of the Jews and they wanted to come and worship him. They went to Herod the King and asked where they could find him? Perhaps they thought he would be in a palace because he was a King?

When they left Herod they followed the star to where the young Child was. When they saw Jesus they fell down and worshipped him. Only then did they get out their gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh from their treasure chests. They had thought what gifts would be appropriate. Gold for a King. Frankincense a symbol of fragrance and worship and myrrh as anointing oil.

I used to play the piano when I was younger and I had a hymn book. I can remember a moment when a light went on in my heart. I read a verse from the song In the Bleak Mid Winter written by Christina Rossetti. It says “what can I give him poor as I am? If I were a shepherd, I would bring a lamb; If I were a wise man I would do my part; Yet what I can I give him: give my heart.” As I read these words I recognised that there was something bigger than anything material in life that we can give. And that was our heart. Our love, our commitment and our worship.

Before the Magi (wise men) gave their gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh to Jesus they worshipped him. They gave from their hearts. This Christmas as we exchange gifts with those we know pause and remember the first Christmas and what it says about what is important in life. That it is not just the material gift we give someone but the love we have in our heart for them. It is not just about a once in a year present but also giving time to them and getting to know them the rest of the year.

When the Magi (wise men) gave their gifts they met the greatest gift to humanity in Jesus. The gift of a relationship with God for those who choose to believe in him. The gift of eternal life. The gift of forgiveness and transformation. And as we give our hearts we receive his love, his forgiveness and his comfort in whatever is going on.

In Revelation 3:20 it says “I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with me.”

Maybe this Christmas you have no one to celebrate with. Maybe you have lots of people around you and still feel alone. Maybe you just want to know Jesus. If as you have read this you have felt God may be speaking to you then invite him in.

A few months ago I spoke to a group about how I had gone through years of wilderness. During this period of wilderness it was difficult and I wondered whether there would be a time when things would change. I guess it was my heart that changed first. I realised that I needed to stop seeing God as my enemy but as my friend and advocate, my Lord and Saviour. I was angry with God that certain things had happened and this anger had built up over a period of time. I was honest and real with God about this. There was no point hiding as he knew everything. And it was a relief to just share with him how things had been hard and painful and then confess the the things that were not good in my own heart and ask for his forgiveness and transformation. No quick easy answers. Looking back now I can see that my faith blossomed in the wilderness as I came to know God more and his care for me.

In the book of Isaiah 35:1 it says “the desert and the parched land will be glad; the wilderness will rejoice and blossom”. Further on in the chapter there is a wonderful promise “strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees that give way, say to those with fearful hearts, “Be strong, do not not fear..”

Blossoms come before fruit. So the blossoms that come in the wilderness can in time become fruitful in our lives and in the lives of others. And yet there is a vulnerability for blossoms to the weather. I can remember a number of times hearing a weather forecaster on the radio saying cover your plants as there is a frost on the way.

A few years ago I went to a peace conference and I wrote to one of the speakers. He sent me a postcard with the following words “it is in the shelter of each other that people live.” What a beautiful expression. We are not to be stand alone but be part of something bigger. The command to love God and love our neighbours speaks of the importance of relationship. When we go out in the cold we make sure that we are adequately covered to protect ourselves from the elements. And in this world we can look out for others and cover them in prayer and care.

One of the classic images of protection is the armour in the book of Ephesians (Chapter 6:10-20). Yet foundational to this is knowing where our strength comes from. Not from anything we are but because of who he is. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith and salvation come as we turn our eyes away from ourselves to him. And then to others as we pray with all kinds of prayers and requests so that others can know the love of Jesus in their lives and situations.

Sometimes we do not know we are in blossom until the fruit comes. And yet there is a promise that if we abide in God we will bear much fruit. In the book of Galatians we read of the fruit of the Spirit – love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. We may fail and we do fail but God is our advocate and is there if we ask for his help and forgiveness. May God bless you whether you are in dessert, wilderness, or in the hub of activity. May you blossom and bear fruit that will bring care and love to others.

Have you ever been in a situation where you have to make a decision that you know is significant and you have a choice? A crossroad moment. It is so easy to rush ahead without taking time to think it through. Sometimes what appears attractive can compromise who we are and what we believe in. Our principles can be thrown out of the window for money, fame and security. A crossroad moment may also be all about timing. If we have responsibilities we need to work out whether they can be met if we do a certain thing. It maybe chatting to those we love and seeing what they think and whether they support us. In the bible it says “plans fail for lack of counsel” (Proverbs 15:22). It is recognising people of wisdom that can help us as we look at what we should do. If people have a vested interest they are not always the ones to ask.

This morning I was chatting about a crossroad decision I have made in the last few days to a group from church. One of this group shared the following words from the bible “it is dangerous to have zeal without knowledge, and the one who acts hastily makes poor choices” (Proverbs 19:2). The verse before this says “better is a poor man who walks in his integrity than he who is perverse in speech and is a fool.” The verse after Proverbs 19:2 says “The foolishness of man ruins his way. And his heart rages against the Lord.”

Crossroad moments can sometimes bring us to the place of facing a past failure, or challenge, or fear. It maybe we then realise that we still have pain, anger, shame and bitterness in our hearts. As a Christian I believe that I am not alone in this and that God can bring his healing into my memories, my emotions and my understanding in time as I am honest and raw and real with him asking questions and praying that he will help me have wisdom. Sometimes the healing comes as we make decisions to be involved in things we had walked away from or be reconciled with people that had hurt us. Sometimes it is wise not to engage or revisit things or people we have known in the past.

A crossroad moment can come out of the blue and we have to make an instantaneous decision At other times we have the choice of deliberation and consideration. Sometimes the choice we want is not there and the only choice we do have is how we respond and look at the situation and what we do to help others impacted. There is a wonderful word in the bible that says “in my heart I store up your words, so that I might not sin against you”. Psalm 119:11. As we read the bible these words can help us in those crunch moments when we look for instantaneous wisdom and comfort in the heat of the storm to help us make choices. Some of these are in moments and periods of time of dark despair and crisis. One promise we have for sure is that God is with us at those crossroad moments and ongoing challenges. In our difficulties, in persecution, in questions and pain he is there with us.

The bible specifically refers to crossroads. In Jeremiah 6:16 it says “stand at the crossroads and look: ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.” As you look and make decisions in the crossroad moments of your life may you know the good way and find peace in all circumstances.

We all have things we follow. It maybe a football team or a pop band. It maybe an author or a political party. It maybe someone on twitter or social media. It maybe people we aspire to be like.

Years ago I was sat in my parents house. I was about 15 years of age. We had a guest from America who was a businessman. He looked me in the eyes and asked me “are you a leader or a follower, a winner or a loser?” I was quite thrown by this question and did not know how to respond. He then shared a story about how he had worked for a company and one day he was told his boss was in the building. His boss found him sat in his office with his feet up on his desk and he said to him “I don’t pay for you to put your feet up on your desk” and he replied “no you pay me to increase sales and this is what I have done.” He then said after this he realised he could not work for anyone else.

I have often pondered over this conversation. As a Christian I love how Jesus turned everything upside down and the right way up. Yes he said “follow me” but he also washed his disciples feet. He came to serve but yet had authority. He said the least would be the greatest in heaven. People followed him because they had questions, they had pain, they were tormented, they had heard good report of him, they were burdened by their sins and he met them where they were and ministered into their situation. He was concerned with their heart condition. He addressed their need for forgiveness and relationship with the Father as of the utmost importance as well as their physical, intellectual and emotional needs. He came not to condemn but to save. I have followed many things and people in my life but the one thing that continues to draw me and move me, change me and challenge me, turn everything upside down and the right way up, exposing my hidden motives and bringing me into unchartered waters of faith and dependence on him in all the shakings of life has been my faith in Jesus. He has never let me down. There have been times when people have but he has never let me down. As I have been honest with him he has both carried me and helped me follow his ways and apply the counsel of his word into my life and this has kept me in the storms. I have found myself meeting people I would never have met and learning so much from them. People may come and go but the love of God remains. His love never fails.

When I asked the question what’s the point? all those years ago I felt so alone. I was frustrated by my own failures and the failures of others. Into that vacuum of disillusionment Jesus revealed himself and I encountered his love and word. I knew that this love was everything I had ever wanted or looked for and this was who I wanted to follow. It is good to have many interests but there is the danger of putting things or people we follow on a pedestal and when they are not able to maintain our expectations we find ourselves disappointed. The thing about following Jesus is it is not a selfish thing it is something that leads you to care for others and share what he has done for you. It has a cost but in it there is the sweetness of knowing you are loved and that God has a plan and a purpose for you with all the giftings, experience and positioning you have. To live a life of integrity and service that prefers others. I leave you with the question “who do you follow?”